I'm All Set

The phrase is so trite, really…right…”anything is possible” we tell our kids, “the sky is the limit” we say! “You can move mountains!!”

But what is that little voice inside us that says one thing, “I can do this!” but then quickly says..”next year..tomorrow..when I have more time..when I have more money..” It is always there…the nagging voice that truly keeps us from doing it. It makes it safe not to..because what if we tried? and…and…it didn’t WORK?! well, then we would know that we could not. And we shouldn’t have tried. We just knew we shouldn’t have tried. Now we are just disappointed.

But what if it DID work? would we stretch out bigger? would our grasp become longer, arms wider? I think so - the further you reach..you are bound to grab on to something sometime..and like monkey bars..you reach one…it begets another grab..and another and another….

So, how do we begin to think like this? I realized the other day, trying to instill this in my children, that it is a PROCESS. you can’t just say, “you can do anything!” you have to teach children (and its a continual journey for ourselves as well) that they can do anything. More importantly, you have to SHOW them that you do it. And it works.

My 7 year old..he is the KING of seeing the flip (some might call it the “down”) side..the side that says..well, maybe not..maybe I can’t..etc…etc. So we sat down..we made a collage of all the words that we love..images that are powerful, images that made us happy (white water rafting, fishing, riding an ATV, etc). Oh, what a great mom I am, I think - oh, look at the fabulous message I am sending. Ever since then, it begins..”Mom, you say you can do anything..but you can’t eat a pontoon boat”…”Hey Mom, you can’t swallow an entire lake”. And as ridiculous as these statements are :) he is right. And he is already beginning that thinking…the thinking that says, “yes…but…” instead of embracing greatness..instead of focusing on the glass half full (in all my wisdom I tried that one with him, too..showing him two equal glasses…blah, blah, blah) he chooses to discount me. Because to embrace all that he COULD do..well that is the scariest thing of all. Much scarier than trying to eat a pontoon boat.

So, how do we instill this?? How do we start out our most treasured little people with a feeling of self-empowerment? a sense of being unstoppable?

We live. Live fully. Everyday. And we show what it is like to open your mind and attach to nothing - to be creative. To talk in language that is positive, uplifting and void of negativity, jealously and petty gossip. One day at a time..we have to consider these little sponges are watching..waiting…they want to see..”she says it, but does she DO it??” Realizing that there is more than ourselves at work in the universe is scary..and to realize that there is a plan for us that is waiting - if we are receptive is equally daunting if you thing that that plan is “too big”.

But, just when I think I may have to start disassembling a boat and eating it a little each day…that same 7 year old turns to me yesterday and says, “mom, I think I will be a scientist” and I said, “oh, that sounds exciting, what kind of scientist?” and he replies, “I don’t know, the exploring kind…I am going to search for Bigfoot…I am going to make it up…you and dad made up your jobs…I know I can do that, too”

Now, maybe we are gettin’ somewhere…

What is it that you want from life? Do you ever contemplate all the things you would like to do/have/say…or, when you do think of something you want, do you readily dismiss it as being unobtainable, unrealistic, too selfish…etc?

I think I have come to the realization that to have something, whatever that may be…it has to start with TRULY feeling like you deserve. We feel others deserve, why not ourselves? Why do we not love ourselves enough to say, YES! I should have that…a friend takes a vacation, gets a raise, loses 10 pounds and we say, WOW! look at you! Good for you! I am so happy for you…but likely, that thinking doesn’t transition to our own lives.

Just try it…finish this sentence: I would really like more _____________

what is the the FIRST thing that you think of? could be peace of mind, relaxation time, money, clothes, anything….then take the SAME thing you just thought of and insert it here:

I deserve more ____________________________________

Did it change the way you felt? For most people, likely yes…likely our minds immediately went to “well, that would be nice to have but I don’t deserve more of it.”

The universe, God, the Divine Mind, however you think of it disagrees. The world is there - ready to serve you…ready to give if you are open to receive. So be receptive, be open to all good….spread your arms out wide and say, “I deserve more __________________________” get comfortable with that notion of loving yourself enough to have whatever it is you desire. Life is meant to be enjoyed.

Because really, at the end of that day…don’t you just want to say…wow…how fabulous I’m all set….and I deserve it.

My little guy…I would say “poor thing” or “I feel so bad”. But I won’t…and I don’t. My son is going through something right now that will eventually make him stronger. All adversity does…that is why its in our lives.

But try to convince a 6-year-old going to a new school with no friends….

He was dropped off on his second day of school…not as successfully as his first. Excitement gone..little feelings trampled by a brother still wrapped in a blanket, eating peanut butter toast and watching the Cat in the Hat…taunting…”Addy..you’re going to school and I am staying home!” Longing for a piece of that, he tries to crawl under the blanket..only to be met with his mom saying, “let’s go, let’s go….let’s eat, buddy!”

He was brushing his teeth, discussing the woes of his life…when I interrupted him. “ok, look in the mirror and tell yourself…’I am going to have a terrible day..just terrible’”…he did it - and started laughing. Exactly. Your body does not WANT misery..you don’t want to feel bad..you can CHOOSE to feel that way..but feeling bad..well - it’s just feelings..it’s just thoughts. And thoughts can be changed..and not to be trite, but “thoughts become things” is on bumper stickers for a reason…

So we practice…(and I lecture)…that you can fill your life with positive things..or you can worry, show fear and think about what happened yesterday. It all depends on where you want to put your energy. And you can give yourself permission to not think about things…you can turn it off, turn the channel - end the emotion that is bringing on the physical stuff. And when you just feel like this cannot be done…you “fake it ‘til you make it” another trite phrase that I love to live by.

So, I tell my strong little guy….you have all you need, you are equipped with divinity, a smile, good thoughts, warmth….and you tell yourself…”I’m all set.”

Searching for a friend…..

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Soul-building Touchdown!

Kids can make you sigh. Any parent, caregiver, educator….you know this. In good ways..and in frustrated ways. In my journey to be more positive…I am trying to watch the number of frustrated sighs that come out of my mouth. With my 6 year old this past month - that has been difficult. He’s ready to be big…spread his wings..but still an outrageous momma’s boy. Sometimes that inner conflict makes him a little ornery….

Addison is a sports fanatic…speed fanatic. He loves all things competitive (and I have no IDEA where he gets that…hmmm). Now I am not saying I bribe with things, but I did have a grand finale approach to him getting it together or NO FOOTBALL (he just started a rocket league). It was his second chance - prove it little man, or your done.

Each kid got a turn in the backfield in Saturday’s game…as the coach lined him up, he was moving around, so excited, looking over at the camera, pointing to himself like “I get the ball this time, my turn, my turn” he could barely contain himself.

As the coach passed him the ball and those little feet flew, he ran down the sidelines, dodging kids, hugging the line…for a touchdown. It was awesome. I was teary with pride - so excited for what he must be feeling. So happy for what that feeling would do for his confidence, his little soul.

In the car, as I beamed, “that was AWESOME, buddy.” He was casual, grinning…but he looked up at me and said “that was a great second chance, huh?” I swear he winked.

He was a different kid yesterday. Touched by that feeling, that sensation of pride and accomplishment. He was more easy to talk to, more grown up, his soul expanded.

I guess even God likes football.

I remember being little and my mom asking me what I wanted to be..I remember my response everytime..it was “to help people.” I’m not sure I even knew what that meant at the time…but are we hard-wired to help…hard-wired for service? I think the answer is yes…being that we are social creatures. As my friend Terri put it to one of our students the other day “every cell in your body wants to be nice.”

I don’t think we can be happy when we deny others’ happiness. We can pretend..we can try to feel like, “I need to take care of me” but that only leads to isolation. True joy comes from being with other people, seeing their need, seeing their truth…and trying to understand their perspective…and realize that if it doesn’t “fit” your truth - it’s their journey…and let it go.

I used to think that things “sucked the life” out of me. I would use words like, ” I have no energy left for that” or “she drains me” I would imagine when I got home for work that I “had nothing left” for my kids or my husband. Those words literally DO drain your energy…they take it away from you so you DON’T have anything left.

A turning point for me: my husband took a picture of my kids and I as we were hunkered over the computer watching the “message from Santa” that was just emailed to us. When we looked at the picture this is what I saw: A beautiful Christmas tree in the background…two cute kids, brimming with excitement, climbing all over me trying to get the best view, they had big smiles, eyes lit up. Compare that with me…I was hunched over with terrible posture, an absolutely exhausted look on my face, rubbing my temples. I stared at that picture for a long time. A change has gotta come….

I have worked hard this past year to change my tune..and some days its harder to believe than others (and I might fake it..yes) but now I try to tell myself that empowering others makes me more powerful - its not draining..its not exhausting. It is the reason we are on this planet. For each other. Life is to be lived..joyfully…and when you don’t feel it…faking it really does help. You can’t be mad when you are smiling (yes, Terri and I force kids at work to look in the mirror and prove that everyday!)

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to a big difference that we often cannot foresee.” - Marian Wright Edelman

I think my journey has been complicated…but really it’s quite simple. I have found that life is simple..that is the answer. It is we who complicate it, create drama, negative energy and negative thought patterns. We think “what if??” before we think “why not”?

I read a book to a student I work with the other day…it compared worries to a tomato garden..the more you tend to them..the bigger they grow. As my day wore on and a few of those anxious thoughts popped into my mind, I told myself, “I am not going to tend to that…I give myself permission to NOT think about it at all.”

You know what? It worked…and it was just that simple.